Elizabeth Penman, 36, stole the vibrator and cream from a branch of Ann Summers in February.
The blonde mum-of-two slipped the Rampant Rabbit, a hands-free dildo, into her handbag.
An eagle-eyed member of staff noticed her – and told her to put the dildo back.
But she ignored them, adding the lube to her haul before leaving the shop.
Penman was fined £75, plus £85 in costs, after pleading guilty.
Her lawyer told the court she suffers from bipolar disorder.
But he said: "She can't really explain why she did what she did."
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